Three Batman Films You Haven't Seen but Should

Obviously everyone knows who my favorite superhero is. Since the end of the 1930's, Batman's only had one actual contender as the most recognized superhero.  And he's blown up in popularity so much in recent years that he seems to be pretty much everyone's favorite.

As a result of this, or because of this, Batman far and away has more films than any other hero. And we've all seen them, or at least are aware of them. However, with seven movies in the past twenty-five years, with one more iteration on the way, none of them are quite exactly what I most want to see in a film version of Batman.

Don't get me wrong. I love the Chris Nolan films. The Dark Knight, in particular, is a masterpiece that transcends the genre. And I appreciate some of the earlier ones, though Batman Returns is as bad as the black bile that Danny DeVito drools, and Batman and Robin is the one Batman film I've never been able to watch beginning to end. But, while I've enjoyed most of them to some degree or other, none of them are quite what I want to see. 

Why is this? Because none of them are truly faithful to what I view as the comic book Batman. Or to the spirit of it at least. So where do I go for a faithful Batman movie viewing? Animation, obviously. Since the animated films are pretty obscure, all but one being straight to video, chances are you haven't seen them. Since I know you wont be wanting to go through every DVD or Blu Ray like I have, I'll just tell you which three I think are the best so far.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Let's get the obvious pick out of the way right now. Bruce Timm's Batman: The Animated Series was amazing. It revolutionized animated television in general and, more than just true to the comic source material, it influenced Batman comics. Batman comics followed the show's lead when they recreated the origins of characters like Mr. Freeze, and introduced the ever popular Harley Quinn to the comic world. Naturally, it spawned a feature length film. This one was even released in theaters.

Featuring the unique "dark deco" style of the series, and having animation just on par with the better episodes of the show, I wont tell you that I think this movie hold's up to today's animation. Honestly, it doesn't. But that doesn't diminish it. It enhances it. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is a work of art that I would claim is a classic animated film. That's Right. There's Snow White, Bambi, and Batman.

Mask of the Phantasm is actually quite nuanced and mature. It's a mystery involving a new vigilante who has come to town, picking off gangsters. His style is similar enough to Batman's that the city believes the Dark Knight has finally crossed the line and gone on a murder spree. It's up to Batman to stop the culprit and clear his name.

I can't tell them apart either.

Simple enough. But there's more to it. The appearance of the Phantasm (though never actually referred to by that name, interestingly enough) brings back old ghosts from Bruce's past, and coincides with the return of a woman with whom he fell in love years before, just as he was just beginning to bust faces as a crime fighter. No longer a simple "who dunnit," we now explore unresolved emotions that threaten Bruce's present, while simultaneously glimpsing into the past at a young Bruce who very nearly decided not to take up the cowl.

"Even if I decide not to wage a war on crime, I'm keeping this badass costume."

What has Batman's war on crime cost him, and what more is he willing to sacrifice to stop this killer? And to make things ever more complicated, Joker just can't help but become involved. The reason why is one of the stand-out moments of the film.

Perennial favorites Kevin Conroy as Batman and Mark Hamill as Joker are joined by Dana Delany as Bruce's lost love Andrea, Stacy Keach as the Phantasm and, holy crap, Tessio himself, Abe Vigoda as decrepit gangster Salvatore Valestra.

There those silly moments that age this film, but do yourself a favor and see it. You wont meet a Batman fan who doesn't swear by it.

Edited: I forgot to rave about the score from Shirly Walker. It's my favorite Batman film score. It has a "march" style theme that many thought were missing from the Zimmer score, and the emotional weight that many thought were missing from the Elfman score. Basically, it has everything and is better than any that came before it. Feel free to listen to it while reading the rest of this.

Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

I can already hear the doubts. "What is this? Future Batman?" Well shame on you, poopy-pants. Batman Beyond was awesome. Also the brainchild of Bruce Timm, Batman Beyond was, yup, future Batman. 

I'll get you up to speed. Batman Beyond takes place in a Gotham that resembles a combination of future Los Angeles from Blade Runner and future Tokyo from Akira. Bruce Wayne is in his eighties and has long since retired from crime fighting. One day, troubled teen Terry McGinnis finds himself at Wayne Manor, yada yada yada, he's Batman now. Not having honed his mind and skills as Bruce did, he relies on a high-tech batsuit and communication with Bruce via earpiece. Boom. Caught up.

In Return of the Joker, a villain surfaces in Gotham claiming to be, you guessed it, the infamous Joker. Appearing to be just as young as he was in Batman's hay-day, he certainly looks and acts the part. But how could this be? Right away, Bruce tells Terry that it couldn't possibly be the real Joker. That he died years ago. When asked how Bruce could be sure, he responds "I was there." The plot thickens.

Dun Dun DUUUUN!

While investigating the series of crimes perpetrated by Joker(?) and his gang, Terry unearths the truth behind Bruce's final encounter with The Joker years before when a horrific act Joker committed pushed Bruce to the absolute limit of his moral code. Then we get back to the future (great Scott!) to catch up with some of the bitter former members of Batman's entourage, and hopefully crack this case before this new Joker wrecks up Gotham. The film was originally rated PG-13, but was edited down to PG to be more accessible to kids. But fear not! WB was kind enough to release the far superior PG-13 version.

Finally allowing them to include creepy red eyes.

Let me be clear, I don't refer to the PG-13 version as superior just because it's awesome to have violence in a Batman movie. In order to tone the movie down to a more inclusive rating, they didn't simply cut out a bit of blood. They completely changed an integral aspect of the story. In fact, I'd say the very heart of the drama to this movie hinges on the events transpiring the way they do in the PG-13 version. The first version I saw was the PG rated, and it was good. It really was. The original cut, however, is one of the greatest Batman stories ever told. It's one tweak little tweak to the story that makes all the difference.

What makes this movie so great? Well, the animation is perfect, utilizing a more streamlined version of The Animated Series artwork, and the story and dialogue actually respect the intelligence of the audience, willing to take grim and tragic turns without sacrificing its humor. By setting a Batman film in the future, we get more than just cool sci-fi tech. We get to see just what kind of a lasting toll a career in crime fighting vigilantism can have, physically and psychologically. 

Perhaps above all, this movie has, in my opinion, the finest performances by Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill in their respective roles to date. Plus we get a cameo from Henry Rollins as the lovable Joker henchman "Bonk." Also Will Friedle does do a pretty good job as Terry McGinnis.

Stop bringing up Boy Meets World!

Portraying the final confrontations between the Batmans (Batmen?) and their respective Jokers (Joker?) was a gutsy move. In the wrong hands, it could turn out like Tim Burton's complete misunderstanding of the characters. Fortunately, in writer Paul Dini's skillful hands, the story is immensely satisfying. It also features music from Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Static X. So that's fun.

Batman: Under the Red Hood

This is the only entry that's a direct adaptation of a comic book story line. It's the only one that isn't a Bruce Timm creation. It's the only one that doesn't star Kevin Conroy. How could it possibly be on this list? Well, it's really freakin' good!

This movie is also PG-13, and boy does it earn it. The film opens by portraying perhaps the most pivotal moment in Batman's comic career. The death of Robin. Specifically, Jason Todd, who was the second child to take up the mantle of Robin - or to have it placed upon him, depending on how you see it - after Dick Grayson left it behind. For any who haven't read the "Death in the Family" comic book story arch, it came out in 1989, so I'm not bothering with a spoiler warning. In it, Jason was murdered by Joker, who beat him senseless with a crowbar and then abandoned him in a building with a bomb set to explode. Typical "villain-leaves-the-hero-alone-in-a-deathtrap" scenario that was made a cliche by the 60's series, right? Maybe a tad more brutal, but same shtick. Only, Batman does not make it in time. There is no rescue. Robin is dead. Cue opening credits. 

Tune in for the next adventure of the Dynamic Duo! Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!

Fast forward years later, a new villain has come to Gotham (noticing a trend?). An incredibly skilled assassin, he begins cutting into the empire of a crime lord known as Black Mask, who's portrayed primarily as comic relief rather than seriousness by voice actor... Wade Williams. Nope, that's not a joke. Enjoy, Deadpool fans.

I snuck into your movie!

This new villain is calling himself Red Hood, which, incidentally, is the alias Joker used during that fateful, botched heist wherein Batman failed to prevent him from dropping into a vat of chemicals and cracking his psyche. No way that's relevant.

I wont lie. There's not much mystery in this one. It's pretty obvious who's under that Red Hood, and the movie doesn't bother trying to throw any red herrings in the way. But that's not the point of this story. The mystery really lies in what this guy is up to and why he does what he does. Is he a criminal making a name for himself? An anti-hero using murder to clean up Gotham? Maybe just some pissed off, gun-toting psycho trying to ruin Batman's day? It's a lot of fun finding out.

The movie is harmed by a few pieces of clunky, forced dialogue. "Death-worshiping?" "Goth-loving?" ...Thesaurus-missing? There's even some repeated dialogue that may or may not have been intentional. I hope you enjoy Joker's gag about Red Hood having a motorcycle fetish enough to hear it twice!

But it was at two different venues!

Despite the flaws, Under the Red Hood tells a Batman story that all of the live-action films were too afraid to tell. While Joel Schumacher and Christopher Nolan couldn't bring themselves to portray a child Robin - instead giving us 30-year-olds in Chris O'Donnell and Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Under the Red Hood doesn't just do it, but explores the very concept of Robin, along with the consequences. A lot of writers don't know how to handle Robin. They often find him too whimsical or far-fetched an idea, and not suited for a modern interpretation of Batman. Great Batman writers don't shy away from Robin, but jump at the chance to throw in their take. This is one of the more stand-out examples of such story-telling.

Under the Red Hood explores, as stated, the far reaching consequences of Batman's mentoring of young crime fighters, but also tells that time-honored familial tale of a fractured relationship between, essentially, a father and son. It's worth pointing out that Under the Red Hood deviates from the voice-acting one-two combo of Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill. They went a different direction with a different cast. And the cast was excellent. Particularly Jensen Ackles as Red Hood. Not being too familiar with his work on CW's Supernatural, I was surprised and impressed at the range and depth of emotion he brought to the character. His performance, more than Bruce Greenwood's Batman, elevates this movie.

Smoothly animated, with great action and set-pieces, solid voice work, and an emotionally moving story make this another one of the best Batman films yet. The final scene, in particular, left me just emotionally rocked. Check it out sometime. Also Neil Patrick Harris guests as Nightwing and since everyone loves NPH and everyone loves Nightwing, you just gotta see it!

Well there they are! They're definitely better than the stuff Burton and Schumacher spat our way,

On Being Mormon and Different

Kate Kelly and John Dehlin face possible (probable) excommunication from the LDS church. One is the founder of Ordain Women and the other founded Mormon Stories and is a supporter of gay church members. This situation is sad. So very sad. And, while it seems everyone has weighed in with an opinion, I've chosen to do what I always do when it comes to ideological conflicts in the church. Stay silent.

By now, every Mormon I know is aware of this and has their own opinion. I'm in another place. I have several opinions and am feeling much conflict within myself. Let me make one thing very clear. I am a Mormon. I have been raised Mormon, baptized Mormon, been given priesthood, and have been through the temple and sealed to my wife. My activity within the church has, admittedly, waxed and waned over the years, but I have always, unashamedly and consistently, identified myself as Mormon. It's as much a part of my identity as my nationality. It has had no small part in shaping who I am; my morality, my character, my ideals.

To me, the idea of being excommunicated is horrifying. It would be like losing a limb. Like losing family. In fact, it would have devastating effects on my family. I would be heart broken. My wife would be heart broken. My mother would be heart broken. It would force them into the conflict between their love of me, and their love of, and duty to, their beliefs. It would force them to accept the idea that I have strayed into apostasy.

So let me say again. This. Is. Sad. And I wont stick my nose to the sky and say it's sad that they lost their way. That it's sad that they didn't accept the truth, or abide by the prophets. It's just sad. And it's somewhat frightening to me, as I feel I can somewhat identify with Kelly and Dehlin, that so many others seem so giddy at their excommunication. This situation is sad.

For as long as I can remember, I've felt different from other Mormons. I've felt askew from the culture of my own religion. I'm open about my support of LGBT rights. I'm pro-choice on abortion and feel as though I'm perfectly in keeping with church teaching while being so (if a woman can choose to abort in the case of rape, or threat to their life, that is pro-choice. It doesn't mean I condone abortions due to inconvenience). I'm an advocate of women's rights and feel a woman's choices on modesty, career, and marriage are her own business. I believe in evolution, and that scientific progress should be embraced and explored rather than feared. I feel that it is offensive to God in the highest to not seek to educate yourself about the universe. I believe that doing so builds a stronger connection to His creation, and that the reality of our descending from elements that were once stars is awe inspiring and evidence of our relationship with the divine. I have come to these conclusions thoughtfully and prayerfully. I feel at peace with them. They come from a place of compassion, not social pressure, and I am in keeping with what God expects of me.

Sometimes this has made me feel as though I'm a bad Mormon. "I'm a Mormon. I'm just not very good at it," was a common joke I made to people. Other times, I've felt as though I, in actuality, was a better Mormon than others. Choosing to believe that my love of God and my love for my brothers and sisters, within the church and without, trumped the strict following of specific dogma (and the disapproval of those who don't). Make no mistake. I am FAR from perfect. Pretty freakin' far. But whether I am at one end or the other of this teetering seesaw, I do not make excuses for my flaws or deviations.

Being different from other members of the church can be frightening in its way. It carries with it the idea that I'm not welcome. Not completely, anyway. I confess, I rarely attend all three hours of church because I feel uncomfortable there. I'm prone to panic attacks in meetings. It first happened when I chose not to serve a mission. For years I was something of a pariah within the church. Honestly, a twenty year old in an institute class is an uncommon and undesirable site. Not to mention the damage it does to dating life. Think about it. All a girl's life within the church, they're instilled with the idea to seek a returned missionary. My non-RM status was instant disqualification as a prospective husband. Never mind the behavior of several of my RM friends after their mission ended, I was far less suitable.

It led to my fear within Sunday School and Elder's Quorum. When issues that I deviate from in belief came around, it was always the better option to stay silent than to voice my concern. It happened when the idea was brought up in class that black and brown people would become white-skinned when entering eternal glory. After all, a tree cannot bear two fruits. This argument was discussed, while all the persons of color in the class smiled uncomfortably. They chose to remain silent rather than stir up contention in the class. I stayed silent with them. This time.

It happened when modesty was discussed, and speaking up and taking a stand when a woman is showing too much skin. "Politely let her know that she's disrespecting herself and sending the wrong message to men," we were told. I was enraged, and wanted to shout my disapproval. But my hands shook. I was scared. Despite the visible discomfort of some women in the room, pulling tight the sweaters covering their shoulders, and since so many other women were vocal in agreement, it seemed best to just stay silent this time.

It happens every time politics is brought up, with the assumption that every member is a conservative Republican. That we need to take a stand against the spreading of rights for gays, who we refer to as those suffering from "same-sex attraction." I so miss the days of Hinkley when the church had a stance of political neutrality. Members were to pray and vote each according to the dictates of their heart, rather than being encouraged to vote for social and economic conservatism. But I don't want to create discomfort in the room. I certainly don't want to draw negative attention to myself. I mean, I see these people every week. I'm scared of how they'll view me. It's probably best to stay silent. This time.

I spoke with my sister a while back, who is far more courageous than I am. She doesn't seek attention, but she is always honest. She's never ashamed of herself or her ideals, and speaks up about them readily. Now she was worried she'd be shunned by people in her ward for her different opinions than the status quo. And while that probably did happen to a degree, she found something else happening. Women were approaching her and thanking her for speaking up. She found out she wasn't alone in her difference from the cultural norms within the church. There are others who stay silent, praying for someone to speak. Or hoping they'll find the courage to do so themselves.

Regarding Kate Kelly and John Dehlin, I can't call myself an ardent supporter of theirs as I haven't familiarized myself much with what they have done. I wasn't aware of Mormon Stories before this situation broke out, and Ordain Women I was primarily only aware of through their attempt to attend priesthood session. But I consider myself somewhat familiar with where they come from. And if it's at all similar to where I come from, I know they love and are committed to their church. Whether you agree with them or not, do NOT assume that they are rebellious for its own sake, or that they have sought to do damage to the church (which it's debatable whether or not they have). I don't want to bother discussing a stance on whether or not I consider it a good idea to hold protests at General Conference, or to provide a forum wherein members express their doubts and negative experiences with the church. But it's my contention that these people had no ill intent.

The intention of this blog post is not to state agreement or disagreement with the church's decision to excommunicate Kelly and Dehlin. It is NOT to start a debate on the right or wrong of their actions or the church's reaction. It is simply to state what it is to feel marginalized by members of the church. To feel like your opinions brand you an outsider when they are actually made with much thought and prayer. It is meant to state what it is to feel that you must remain silent. As Mormons it is in our very nature and heritage to question the teachings of religious authority and sincerely pray to find the answers for ourselves, just as a 14 year old boy once did in New York. While you don't agree with what they've done, do not be so hasty to judge them. And do not take joy in what will no doubt be very painful to them.

My sister told me recently that the church needs members like me to speak up. That doing so would encourage others to feel welcome and not alone. She tried to bolster my courage to attend church meetings and, while not trying to create an environment of contention, to feel free to question aloud what's being spoken. To express concerns in order to gain a better understanding for myself and others, and even educate others on how harmless it is to have a difference of opinion or interpretation. And I wanted to. But, for me and others like me, on the outside of the cultural norm, the church's decision to pass discipline to Kelly and Dehlin sends a different message. Stay silent.

Wherein I Discuss My Love of Batman

My wife has been encouraging me to get back into writing, as it was a passion of mine, so I've decided to dust off the old blog. I spent a half hour just finding out which old email address I used for it. In addition to my wife's encouragement, my friend Bridget also just asked out of nowhere if I've been writing seven minutes a day. Sadly, the answer has been no. Well... unless I'm arguing with people on some comic book forum. And then it hit me! I had an apostrophe (I think you mean an epiphany). I love writing about comic related things, and I haven't blogged since long before I had a wife or a friend named Bridget. So my first bit of writing will be a comic related article on my old blog. And what comic related item should I discuss? Well, it's May of 2014. What else could I possibly want to write about but...

Yes, my friends, Batman has turned 75 years old. And anyone who knows the first thing about me knows that I love Batman. Honestly, that's a literal statement. It's usually the first thing anyone finds out about me. I've loved Batman for as long as I can remember. What American boy hasn't? In the last 75 years there have been only short periods of time during which there wasn't some iteration of Batman standing front and center in pop culture. I could write a detailed history about the character, but then this would just be a wikipedia entry. Screw that. I'll just write about MY history with Batman. Or is it with BatMEN? The character continues to evolve rapidly. The Batman in comics and film today, in some ways, barely resembles the Batman I first knew...

There was a long period between 1966 and 1989 when one image of Batman stood out as definitive to the public at large. That was the image of Adam West. In the comics, Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams had firmly returned Batman to his dark roots in the 70's, and Frank Miller changed the entire genre with his Batman titles in the 80's, but I was four. I didn't know about that stuff. And, to me, there was nothing ridiculous about this spandexed hipster running around in broad daylight with his domino-asked ward bashing Frank Gorshin and Burgess Meredith with the accomanying "POW's" and "WHAM's" and I'm pretty sure I saw a "BIFF" in there at least once. Even at that age, I thought it was absolutely moronic of the villains to constantly leave Batman and Robin unsupervised in elaborate deathtraps, but that was easily explained away by a universal truth Batman ingrained in many children. Bad guys are dumb. And I would smile, roll my socks down until they resembled pixie boots, and treat swing-set swings as ropes for me to sail across a Gotham which looked strangely similar 1960's Los Angeles. It was a version of Batman that many fans desperately wanted the world to forget (myself included for a time). That it made Batman campy, colorful, and stupid. I'm glad it has, instead, been recognized as a perfectly legitimate interpretation of Batman, to be remembered fondly. Because we all enjoyed it. And, yes, that is an autographed Adam West picture made out to me. It is one of my most prized possessions.

Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?

In 1989, "Batman" starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson came out and I wasn't allowed to watch it. It was rated PG-13 and I was five. And that sucked. It sucked until Christmas time that year when, during Christmas vacation, my brother and I came into possession of a copy on VHS. And we watched it at least twenty times in a four day period. It was scary and exciting. It was a Batman I never knew existed... and ultimately it would be a Batman I liked less when I got much older. Batman himself wasn't really the star of his own film, and he killed people left and right (a giant no-no for Batman). Still, it was visually mesmerizing. Keaton brought a danger to the character never seen on film before and not matched again for over a decade, and Nicholson was so charismatic that no one thought anyone would ever touch his performance (we ended up being wrong on that one). I loved Batman, but my love turned into an obsession thanks to Bruce Timm...

I am vengeance! I am the night!

How lucky we all were to live in a time when Batman: The Animated series was on TV! The first episode I saw was "Heart of Ice." From the opening sequence, the style (a new kind, termed "dark deco") was so unique and engaging. I felt like I was watching a twisted, more violent Dick Tracy. Then the episode began. It was about a guy in a chryo-suit who sought revenge against his former employer with a freeze ray. It was also as emotional and tragic as anything I had seen before or since. I was hooked. Not just to the series, but to the character and the mythology, in a way I had never been before. Through that series, I was introduced to Dick Grayson. REALLY introduced to him. Yeah, Robin was on the 60's series and Superfriends, but those shows never had an episode like "Robin's Reckoning." That series eventually gave us Mask of the Phantasm: a theatrical animated film that was truer to the character's mythology than anything Burton or Schumacher gave us in live action. Bruce Timm's animated Batman grew into a massive shared DC Animated Universe. Really, it's thanks to Batman that I was introduced to all of those characters (except Superman. C'mon. Every American is fed Superman at the teet). Last but not least, Batman: TAS gave us Kevin Conroy as Batman and Mark Hamill as Joker. At this point, I was sold. I was diving into Batman comics, graphic novels, new animated series, new films... In fact, I have to mention...

The training is nothing! The will is everything! The will to act!

I followed production on this film every single day from long before it was even in production. A couple of Batman reboots were being shopped around. One was an adaptation of Frank Miller's "Year One," to be directed by Darren Aranofsky, and the other was called "The Intimidation Game," being pitched by Chris Nolan. Both Nolan and Aranofsky were artsy indie directors at the time, so it was hard to get behind either of them... until hearing about what Aranofsky and Miller actually had planned for Year One. Let's just say we're better off without that film. Chris Nolan's on the other hand, was the perfect film for the time. In anticipation for it, I bought about 12 seats for the midnight screening, so all my friends could sit with me. At the film's conclusion, when Batman and Gordon discuss escalation in criminal activity, and this new guy called "The Joker," I felt a chill as Batman soared off the roof, Gordon smiling behind, and the screen went black with the title "Batman Begins." I stood up and hugged my friend Andy, who was sitting behind me. I was almost in tears. To me, it was the first time they finally got Batman right in a movie. Three years later, my brother and I would be sitting in a fans-only pre-screening of a sequel called "The Dark Knight."

It's what I do that defines me.

But that's enough for now. I've already told about just HOW I got into the character and a brief history beyond that. It's time to wrap this up. Let me just say that my love of this character may seem extreme, but a few things should be understood. Fictional characters resonate with the masses in ways that few actual people can. I grew up without a father, and Batman became a male role model that could never let me down. As Kevin Conroy once said, "He always does the right thing." Moreover, as we all know, Batman is just a mortal man like us. However, he shows how we can be extraordinary. He saves the day time and again using nothing but his wits, body, and will. For Batman, more than any other hero, the point is that NOTHING is insurmountable. Whether he's stopping a mugger, or going toe-to-toe with Superman himself, Batman will triumph. He always finds a way. What better role model could a kid ask for? 25 years after I first watched his adventures, he's still my hero. During the next few weeks, I'll be posting my own personal recommendations of movies, shows, or books having to do with Batman. Or I'll post about other stuff because it's my blog and I hate being restricted to a single theme. Thanks for reading!

Oh, My Lovely Old Blog...

The whole reason I got a new computer was so I could start writing again. Nearly four months later and not so much as a note. Here I am attempting to change that. Oh, my lovely old blog. How I've missed thee. Soon, very soon, I will make long-winded posts presenting my thoughts on films and comics, and films about comics. :P I might write short stories again too. Woo!

Where the Wild Things Are

This trailer got me way more excited than the first time I saw the Watchmen trailer. Will I be seeing this movie? Oh yes. I will.

Day 3 cont...

I went to McDonald's here in Berlin. The quarter pounder IS called the Royale Burger! Vincent was right! Also, they do give you mayonaise with fries but they also give you ketchup, often in the same cup. All you have to do is mix them together and it's like Utah.

However, McDonald's meals cost like 10 bucks (with a small drink even) and inside of the place is a McCafé which is like a little Starbucks. There are two floors at McDonald's and it seems like a much nicer place than at home where it's basically the bottom of the barrel.

The keyboards here are a bit different. The most notable difference being that "z" and "y" are switched presumably because "y" is almost never found in a word whereas "z" frequently is. So I guess people didn't like exhausting their left pinky fingers and never using their right index.

Dunkin Donuts bares the subtext "American Bakery." Doesn't that fill you with pride? It does for me. Earlier I was watching Police Academy and The Man With The Golden Gun on German tv. The difference being that Steve Güttenberg is way funnier when you can't understand him and Roger Moore is less stuck up full of himself. (Can you tell I wrote Guttenberg with the ü just to take advantage of this keyboard having that?)

So now you know that since coming to Germany I've been to McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts and watched Police Academy. So you know I'm making the most of my time. Honestly, though, I've spent so much time on trains, walking, and feeling my head spin from exhaustion that it's not always so awful to just relax and do something unimportant.

Our hostel is right above a strip club and at night we can hear the music through the ground. It doesn't bother me. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices so that other peoples' lives can be enriched and made full. Bless you, strippers.

Tomorrow the embassy. Bright and early.

Eurotrip day 3

Day 1 we went to New York. We went to the city for about an hour and promptly hopped a flight to Germany.

From Frankfurt to Berlin we flew, and here we stay. We were leaving a train when Chandler noticed I'd left my bag behind. In doing so, he himself forgot his planner. His planner which contained his passport, ID, and cash. So we are staying in Berlin for the next while.